Another semester comes to a close. I need to update more often, but hey. Things are finally starting to even out a bit around here and I am loving it.

It has been such a crazy year... This time last year was so different. It is all so surreal, but I am happy. I love my family & my friends, and I know we will be just fine. There is so much to look forward to. Sunshine will be five in 12 days. I cannot wait for her party. Then we will share our first Christmas. ( god I hope they are happy wherever they are.) I am thrilled at how far along we have all come, and I am thrilled that I have some of the best friends a girl could ever have.

That is all for now. More tomorrow.

Love to all.

What the hell is all of this? Why is this happening? There is no reason for me to feel this way.

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So we are getting a new puppy in September. He is a male apricot goldendoodle and I think his name will be Jackson, but we shall see. He is soooo cute!!! He will be 8 weeks old and I am going to have him certified as a therapy animal. That is all for now. Here is a photo.

The girl's aunt left a message last night saying F wanted to call us and asking us to call back. The girls were in the background laughing and happy. We called today and were asked to call back at 6 after her aunts gets off work. More to come after 6, but I am so happy just to know that they are with their aunt and happy.

Yesterday I climbed up, closed my eyes and jumped in to motherhood. I thought I would be more nervous, but I am just ...happy, and excited to meet her. I am so ready.

All is well in Stockton. Mom looks happy. Grunt is growing up handsome as ever. Megan is ok. Now we just need to see who I came for... Nana

I love musicals!
I Love Baseball
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Nuff said

I have pneumonia again. Arg! I am on antibiotiocs and a nebulizer for 10 days, and I see the doctor again on the 20th.

I am almost done with Stats, but this Bupropion (generic Wellbutrin) Is making me loopy. I NEED to study Sociology, but my eyes wont focus, and I still haven't got to schedule my exam, because my Professor has yet to sign and deliver the test to the Access Center.

As far as the girls go.. DENIAL.

I cannot wait for this semester to end! I only hope that I survive it. I am feeling very overwhelmed, at the moment, as I attempt to finish a project for Stats that requires much more time than we have been given, study for a Stats test that feels impossible, and attempt to read 7 chapters plus lengthy notes for SOC in order to pass that final. *sight* I am really grateful that I have people to study with.

Tomorrow I must schedule my exam, go and attempt to secure T's insurance, go to Kung Fu, tuck the munchkins in and hit the homework. Wednesday I must get the house cleaned up, meet with Casa, CW, CS, tuck the girls in and hit the HW. Thursday we must save an Ipod, get back in time for Kung Fu, more homework, sleep. Friday homework... Saturday head up to see James and Lilly and study... I have to get through this.

Happy birthday baby!! I love you! I promise I will make this weekkend up to you. YOU ARE MY FAVORITE!!! <3

I loves my bro and his bar!

Things have been crazy around here, and I don't expect that they will slow down any time soon. The girls are doing well... for the moment. I was told this morning that they will be going to SD no matter what. The only question left is who will get them and when, and they may have the who part figured out. The thought of it all is very stressful, so I cant focus on that.

Right now I am watching Arthur with Lil1 while Tanya gets some rest. Then I need to straighten up a bit and prep some hw stuff for Big1, and update my food journal.

Tonight I need to sit down and figure out my books. If I am ordering online I need to get on that now. I had more to say, but I can't think straight. More later...

How the hell do I write a letter telling a six year old that is finally starting to trust and blossom that I don't want to send her away, that I don't want her to have to go with yet another person she doesn't know, to another unknown.... How do I tell her I am sorry that I cannot hold her still and make her feel safe, that it is completely out of my hands... How do I tell her that I will hold her in my heart and I am always here if I am needed, and even more... HOW THE HELL DO I SIT HERE IN SILENCE AND SAY NOTHING AT ALL?

Here it is. The end of the semester, and I am just holding my breath. Things did not go as I planned, and I had to drop Sociology and Stats, and the classes I did keep either went really well or really not well. We shall see in a week or so.

Next semester I will be retaking Sociology and Stats ( a harder version *shivers*). I am also taking American National Government and Chicano Studies. I am not looking forward to those courses, but they need to be done so that I can apply to the program in March and start my cores next year.

Wow this semester has come with a lot of change. I went from a PRIDE class student, college student, volunteer hoping to foster infants and toddlers, to a college student, intern foster mother of a 6 and 3 year old. They were most unexpected, but a most wonderful and cherished blessing.

I will post more when I know my grades.

I give up. That is it. Thank you and goodnight.

Why ask why? Just fuck it.

Things have been crazy! School has got me swamped, but I like it, my volunteer position has me drowning, but I love it, my van hath died, and I hate that, Tanya's surgery got moved, and I loathe that, I got new shoes and I adore them, and we are finally getting rid of carpet in the living room. Soooo exciting!!!

Today I must study for my stats exam. Tomorrow, I must read for both SWK classes and post as well as mail my contract and then go take the Stats test. Tuesday I must read read read for SOC. Wed I must read read read for BIO, and Thursday and Friday I must read more SOC and BIO. All the while, I must figure out Para-Transit, and get my ducks in a row for finding a new car. oy.

Things are good though. Really. Just struggling for a second, but things are good.